An obituary – Brutal death of Jodhpuri Pants at the hands of street tailors

Democratization of Jodhpuri Pants has breached the code of Royalty and brought to streets what could mostly be seen donned by descendants of royal families in Page 3 parties and/or during the Polo game. It first came out of the closet and caught the eyes of shutterbugs when Rohit Bal, famously known as Gudda in fashion circuit, designed a show around these pants and walked the ramp with a battery of macho men led by John Abraham and Arjun Rampal. It was surely a magnificent sight, so much so that it was capable of sending aspirations of a middle class Indian soaring. And, it certainly did! Mine too.

It was in 2009 around my sister’s wedding that I thought of myself in the shoes of those stunning looking men in Bal’s show and had a strong desire to replicate that look on my sister’s big day. I tried finding an authentic Jodhpuri pants in garment shops, but to my surprise I could not find one. My desire was rolled over when I learnt that such pants were not sold to masses and that were made to order. Where could I have found that Master Ji, a revered artisan, to stitch a bespoke Jodhpuri pants for a lesser mortal like me in the modest surrounding of the capital city? Much to my dismay, I dropped the idea.

Come 2012, we see Jodhpuri Pants becoming a rage, a fad and an endemic of sorts. Every other guy is wearing these pants, not necessarily the original pattern, but a range of cheap renditions. In no time, the princely charm attached to these pants is snatched and crushed under the Converse boots of local tailors. These pants are given a new name - Male Leggings. What effing is this name? Least they could have done is to maintain its original name, thereby its lineage and history.

Jodhpuri pants fall from the cliff and enter a league of Wannabes. The impertinent, impenitent youth clamoring for attention forms an integral part of this league. These young men are seen abusing the legacy of yesteryears Maharajas by having the waistline hanging till the bum cheeks revealing their worn out underwear, which could read anything from Jockey to Tommie Hilfiger (not a spelling mistake as counterfeit lingerie does write the name like this), to famous Rupa. They would usually pair these pants with fitted shirts, so fitted that ripples are formed at the centre and buttons make it apparent that they are totally detached, abhor this idea, and willing to fall off.

Well, don’t forget that these are well meaning guys, making a desperate attempt to show off their chiseled torso, so what if their inside is struggling to breathe. The balloon around the thigh area which gave a peculiar shape to these pants has been deflated, perhaps to bring its cost down by saving some money on the cloth. It now in some cases is clinging to the wearer’s thigh in fear of likely ripping. An apparent cloth mask around the thigh results into crotch sticking out. I wonder how the wearer would tackle a sudden erection in such pants. Is he susceptible to ejaculation due to friction that would be created between the inside of his pants and tool? Or would his tool succumb to the pressure and melt down? I am sure if he is a regular member of ‘self service’ then his tool would trespass into embarrassing territory: making its way to the right of the pant as if a thick pen is kept in the pocket originating from the rear not the opening.

I was most amused when I saw a bunch of school kids whose pants were altered to the narrow calves and slightly baggy thighs, giving a stark resemblance to Jodhpuri pants once a royal attire, adding glimmer and glitter to the appeal of his highnesses! Where the world has come to, where are the fashion police, where is the Aam Aadmi Party? Won’t they come forward to save the fate of a rare emerald in authentic Indian fashion?